Photo by AlicePopkorn via flickr
(Cross-posted to Elisha Learns to Fly, a new blog I started to talk about everything else in my life. Because there’s more to life than weight loss.)
I’m reading If I’m So Smart, Why Can’t I Lose Weight?: Tools to Get it Done
Castillo maintains that we should get, at most, 10% of the joy in our lives from food, and if we’re getting more than that, we need to find another source of joy.
When I think about it, I realize that the vast majority of my joy come from food. VAST majority, like 75%.
How sad is that?
Really, I have a great life, and I recognize that. I have a nice home (regardless of how clean it is), I have a job that I actually enjoy and coworkers I like, I have all of my needs met, I have a wonderful family, I have a husband who loves me, and I have the World’s Best Daughter. Shouldn’t all of those things be where I find my joy?
On the other hand, I understand that I don’t really have much else going on. Yes, my daughter does bring me joy on a daily basis. She makes me laugh and brightens my every day. I estimate that she is 20% of my joy.
Add that to the 75% I get from food, and that leaves me with 5% that I get elsewhere. A measley FIVE percent. And where do I get that? Mostly reading, or watching Netflix, or cooking (which is food, again), or reading blogs. All of that, even though it seems like I spend so much time on those things, only adds up to five percent.
I think that I do spend so much of my time on those things because I am constantly looking for more joy, but the truth is that all of those things could never give me more than that small amount of joy, no matter how much I partake, because that is all the joy they hold for me.
If I’m being honest, I think cooking could hold more joy if it wasn’t so intricately tied with guilt about eating whatever unhealthy thing it is that I’m cooking. I love to cook, and I love to try new recipes. I just always feel bad about it afterwards, so that cancels out some of the joy.
And really, eating doesn’t bring me that much joy, for mostly the same reason. Yet I continue to look for it there, like my happiness lies at the bottom of a bag of Doritos. Hint: It doesn’t. It’s not even in the cookie jar. I looked.
Food will NEVER supply that much joy, because that’s not the point of food. It only has so much joy to offer me, and it’s not all the joy that I need.
The solution, obviously, is to find other sources of joy in my life. What else brings me joy?
Running brings me joy. Of course, there is the whole ankle-knee-back thing going on right now, plus the facts that a) I cancelled my gym membership, b) the treadmill I have at home is too crappy for me to run on, and c) it’s winter in WV and I don’t feel like running in 6″ of snow (much less driving to the trail). I know none of these things has to stop me, not permanently, and I fully intend to go back to running as soon as possible. It just doesn’t feel possible right now.
Writing brings me joy. At least it used to. I keep trying to get back to that place, but now it feels like more of a chore, like it’s something I’m trying to force myself to enjoy rather than just letting it happen. I know I will enjoy it once I open myself to the flow of it, but it is difficult to get back there.
Yoga brings me joy. Each and every time I do a pose, even just one single pose, I feel better. Why have I not made yoga a part of my daily life?
Crafting/creating brings me joy. I like to make beautiful things, but I feel like I’m not good at it. The flip side is, if I spent more time on it, I would get better at it, and enjoy it more.
Designing/decorating brings me joy. Unfortunately I feel this one is too expensive to really do much of, at least for the time being. I can take a few minutes here and there to plan what my dream house would look like, though (and usually do).
Reading brings me joy. This is the one that I actually do a good bit of. Not as much as I’d like, and not the type that I’d like, but at least it’s in there. I review books, and I think I might cut back on reviewing fiction (I’ll still review cookbooks), because it always seems to bring me down, or at the very least slow me down, when I have to write a review.
Cooking brings me joy. Yes, it also brings guilt, but that is dependent upon the type of food I make. Trying new, healthy recipes does not make me guilty, and so can be purely joyful. I need more of that in my life, for purposes of both joy and health.
Lifting weights brings me joy. It makes me feel strong. It makes me feel like I’m doing something good for myself. It makes me feel capable. I am all of those things, and I need to prove it to myself more often.
Talking to friends brings me joy. Even as much as I hate talking on the phone, I love talking to my friends, whether it be online, on the phone, via text, or in person. There are people in this world who bring me joy, and I need to spend more time with them, even if it is virtual.
Travelling brings me joy. I love seeing new places, new sights, taking in a new view. I love to explore this big, beautiful world we live in. This is somewhat cost prohibitive at the moment, but there’s no reason I couldn’t explore more of my local world. I live in a breath-takingly beautiful place, and I could certainly enjoy it more. Especially once spring gets here and I can spend more time outdoors, I can explore the world around me.
So I’ve been thinking about all of this for a few days, and it occurs to me that I might enjoy having some other activity outside my home, even outside my family. One thing I’ve wanted to do for a long, long time is roller derby.
Now, I can’t skate. I don’t have skates. I don’t remember the last time I went skating, but it was years, probably decades ago. However, I think roller derby looks AWESOME. I even have the perfect derby name: The Apocalish. Oh yeah.
So a few days ago I saw a post on Craigslist for the local roller derby team, and I emailed about it. I’ve been going back and forth with the team trying to figure out a schedule for when I can practice, what I’m going to need, etc. I’m so excited about this.
I figure, the very worst that could happen is I don’t like it, and I don’t end up actually participating. But the best that could happen is it’s totally amazing and I find something else that brings me joy.
My point is, I need more joy, and I’m working on finding it. I don’t yet know what that is going to be, but the only way to figure that out is to try new things.
So this is me, trying new things.
This reminds me of that question that someone asked, somewhere along the line (maybe it was Oprah) that was a changing moment for me: what are you REALLY hungry for? And I realized I was, at a very elemental level, hungry to be heard and acknowledged. I was hungry for my own approval.
It also reminds me of this quote:
“You cannot struggle to joy.
Struggle and joy are not
on the same channel.
You joy your way to joy.” ~ Abraham
Oh wow! This post really made me think. When we gain weight, our world becomes so much smaller. And it’s hard to break out of those self-imposed confines.
Good post, Elisha!
I think one of my biggest takeaways from Green Mountain at Fox Run is how essential it is to add joy into my life. Adding joy and subtracting things that don’t add joy to my life is what I’m working on now. Also, I am learning to find joy in the things I cannot subtract. I get joy from practicing Anusara yoga, hiking/walking, reading & traveling.