Rock Bottom

Let’s talk about life for a minute, shall we?

Life isn’t fair, is it? You see, I, I shall never be king, and you … No, wait, that’s Lion King.

But it’s not fair. And it’s often nothing like we expect it to be.

In fact, in my experience, expecting life to be one way is almost a guarantee that it won’t turn out that way.

My life has been in the crapper lately, in pretty much every aspect. You can be damn sure that includes my diet, exercise, and weight loss. Some of it has been entirely my fault, like the mass amounts of food I’ve been eating and the mass amounts of sitting on my ass I’ve been doing (although technically, we’re blaming that on Stress, that rat bastard). The rest of it, well, a good portion of that has been my fault as well.

I’m not ready to speak openly about what’s been going on, not because I don’t want you to know (I’ve never been accused of being secretive), but rather because the pain is still too fresh for me to rehash. No one has died, and there’s nothing life-threatening going on: only life-changing.

Suffice it to say that I am at a point now, right this very instant, where I have the opportunity to define my future, to choose what path I take from here on out. Yes, I will argue that each one of us has that same choice at any given moment, but we sometimes come to a place where making a decision is a must rather than a could. The task before me, one that I must face, is consciously building a new life for myself.

My old life is gone. There are vestiges of my past, of course, because there are some choices we make that we can never unmake, but nonetheless, the life before me is brand spanking new. I am still unsure, red and raw and screaming with possibility.

This is my rebirth.

You think it’s easy to define what you want. You think you know. I thought I knew. But sometimes all we have are the supposed tos and the don’t wants. Sometimes other voices are so loud in our heads that we can’t hear our own. Sometimes we have exactly what we want and we find out it’s not what we expected it to be, that it’s not what we want at all. Sometimes we have what we have because we still haven’t defined what we want, and what we have is what we got in the meantime.

So this is an opportunity. Life always hands us opportunities, whether we want them–or recognize them–or not. That’s the nature of life. This moment is an opportunity for me to define what I want, and then to go out and get it.

This moment is an opportunity for me, floundering here at rock bottom, to look up and see the clear, blue sky.

It’s time I learn to fly.

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8 Responses to Rock Bottom

  1. Theola says:

    I have great faith that you will fly, E. In fact, I’m quite sure you will soar. Always remember there are many people all around the world who adore you and are rooting for you and just waiting for you to decide it’s time for you to step up and rule the world!


  2. Hanlie says:

    My dear friend, I am sorry that you’re going through a difficult time. Well done for seeing this as a rebirth process. Birth, by its very nature, is painful but with the joy of a new life, the memory of the pain and suffering recedes in time. I wish you strength and joy in this process. You will be more than fine.

  3. Emily says:

    I hope all this pain and difficulty launches you into something amazing. Like an arrow – you gotta be dragged backwards in order to fly forwards into the great unknown. :) I know you’ll be great.


  4. Amazing post…your awareness, honesty, and willingness to acknowledge will take you far!

  5. Heather says:

    It’s good to hear from you again. I’ve been thinking about you often and wondering how you’ve been doing. This post is amazing – and you are absolutely right that in everything there is opportunity. I’m sending prayers for wisdom, strength, and everything else you need to start soaring.

  6. Robby says:

    No matter what’s going on, you still have my love and support.

  7. Welcome Back, Elisha! We need you here!

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